For many years as an attorney, I have helped people and companies resolve conflict. But when I became the client — in my own divorce — I realized that a process whose sole objective was to reach a “settlement” was not what I wanted or needed. Settlement-driven mediation, which is what most divorcing couples who try mediation experience, can be disappointing. It might get them to a “settlement,” but it may also leave them feeling even more negative toward each other, and it may leave them frustrated because the conflict doesn’t feel over. The conflict doesn’t feel over because, many times, it isn’t over! It’s over on the surface, but the pain and the hurt that underlie the conflict, have barely been touched. Rather, those “emotional issues” have probably been asked to wait outside. What’s more, many mediators’ emphasis on making concessions rather than fostering mutual understanding can make mediation feel more like a courtroom battle, with each party trying to convince the mediator (whom they see as a sort of judge), win points, wear the other down, or wait them out. Obviously, that kind of mediation can be very expensive, too. Finally, deal-driven mediation may not address with compassion and understanding the experience that the couple’s children are having with the break-up and with life as they’ve always known it suddenly and without their consent being turned upside down.
My philosophy is that families in transition deserve a process in which the needs of all family members matter, where both spouses both feel safe, both feel respected, heard, and understood, and both are supported as they work together to find satisfying solutions for their family. Collaborative Divorce and Mediation From the Heart both align fully with this philosophy.
In this 30-minute conversation, Charlie will help you begin to:
- Get clear what’s going on in and beneath your conflict
- Learn about the options you have for how to proceed from here
- Create some breathing space while the conflict continues
- Regain a sense of choice over your own destiny.
Alternatively, you may arrange your free consultation by calling Charlie directly at 703-435-2799.